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Fresh (re)start

It’s been awhile since I took class at my training studio. I’ve been preoccupied, and a little reluctant. Among other things, I’ve been struggling with feeling rejected since I wasn’t asked to teach right after graduation. But I’ve had some time to reflect, and to take responsibility for my perspective. Today I felt ready to return, and I’m so glad I did.

Class tonight was wonderful. A fellow trainee was teaching, and my practice was strong and peaceful. The teacher, my friend, made us laugh in chair pose, and I felt the magnificence of my warrior postures, and I was in synch with my breath and pleasantly present, aware and grateful for my able body and its dripping sweat. I felt comfortable where I was. I’ve spent two hundred hours in that room, and it felt good to be back.

Afterward I got to catch up with two other pals from my training, and to see a couple more on my way downstairs. There is a community at that studio, of course, and I am a part of it now, whether or not I work there.

I love the feeling of belonging at a studio but I dislike the concept of lifelong allegiance. I can’t be tied down to a practice that is always changing: it was Bikram before power vinyasa and lately it’s been more meditative and emotional than physical. But the beauty of this reality is that my home studio understands. They never told me I should not look elsewhere, should not continue my explorations outside their doors.

And so I’ll keep taking one day at a time. Keep snagging groupons for one-month specials at places around town, trying out new styles and vibes, experimenting with my education and how I want to share it. But the foundation I built during training will always be there, as will the incredible network of people I’ve come to know and love. I can lean on it, and learn from it, and remain so very grateful as I continue to grow.

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Love > fear