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Looking Through Laura’s Eyes (Lesson 2)

You’re about to read Chapter 2. Want to start this story from the beginning? Go here.

Laura had cancer.

(Spoiler alert, sorry.) (Also, sorry for not saying “spoiler alert” BEFORE the spoiler.)

And as Laura neared death, her vision for love expanded. She could see it everywhere.

Love is everywhere

In Lesson 2 of Calling In “The One,” we are yet again reminded that romantic love is only one facet of agape, or as I like to think of it, real love.

Katherine uses the anecdote of her dying friend Laura to demonstrate the possibility that we can “see love in each and every gesture.”

Of course, since most of us are not imminently close to death, we have to work harder for that vision:

“As it is, we must consciously choose to cultivate the qualities of love and compassion, hoping in our hearts that one day the veil will be lifted. At times, cultivating an awareness of our interconnectedness with those around us will put us in direct opposition to our current cultural values and social mores.” —CITO, p.20

As previously proclaimed in my reflections on Lesson 1, I am willing to work.

Fortunately, work does not have to be hard.

What I learned in Lesson 2

Again, my arrogance requires me to say that I didn’t “learn” so much as “remember” the key insights from this lesson, but, whatever.

The important takeaway for me is that it is dangerously tempting to glorify romantic love.

My/our culture obsesses over the seeking of a magic love relationship, but teaches little about what long-term sustenance requires.

Contrary to what movies and music seem to convey, Katherine confirms that “the experience of loving for the long haul, of generously extending oneself day after day after day, while receiving the kind of constancy and kindness that weaves one’s broken heart back together again, is about as high drama as we’ll ever hope to find in this lifetime.”

I am grateful to say I experienced that sort of kindness and constancy in my 7 months with Paul.

And absolutely, love like that is deeply fulfilling. It is without drama, and with divinity.

Lesson 2, in practice

The assignment for Lesson 2 was another meditation.

Katherine asks us to sit for a minimum of 3 minutes with the mantra “I am connected to everyone and everything.”

For me, this was easy.

I already meditate multiple times a day (meditation is literally my job), and I am already convinced that we are all connected.

Still, in the 15 minutes that I sat, I had significant revelations.

(1) Metta meditation is amazing.

Metta meditation is a form of meditation that focuses on compassion, or loving-kindness. I was practicing it a lot around the time Paul asked for time apart, but in recent weeks, not so much.

However, the mantra for Lesson 2 reminded me of one of the mantras I use in that practice (“May you be safe, happy, and free, and the same for me”), and I am grateful to engage with it again.

(2) I need to wish Paul a happy birthday.

Paul’s birthday is tomorrow, and I decided a couple weeks ago not to reach out. Mostly to honor his request for space, but also because I am afraid of rejection. (What if he doesn’t respond? What if he does and I don’t feel good about his response?)

Of course, because I really love him and the idea of missing his birthday really bothers me, I still bought him a card, wrote him a message, addressed the envelope—and stuck it in a drawer. I figure if/when we reconnect, I can give it to him then.

But during my Lesson 2 meditation I received an insight: Paul is not special, and neither am I. Just as I am not meant to glorify his love or our relationship, nor should I expect him to place undue value on me.

In other words, my words of birthday goodwill can be just one message of many that I hope he receives. I don’t need a response, and if I get one, it doesn’t matter.

The point is that I love him agape-style. Real love. And that means friendship first.

And what kind of friend intentionally withholds well wishes on your birthday?

Lesson 2, a bonus

The “bonus practice” for Lesson 2 was to “spend the day looking through Laura’s eyes.”

I am publishing this post before the day is finished, but I have already had plenty of opportunity to “consciously relate” to those around me while keeping in mind the phrase “I am connected to everyone and everything.”

When I went to the post office this morning, I noticed the following:

I am connected to the postal worker who does her job v-e-r-y  s-l-o-w-l-y.

I am connected to every person in the long line.

I am connected to the maintenance men who were not able to quiet a nonstop, high-pitched beep that pervaded the entire post office the entire 20 minutes I was there.

I am connected to the silence and sunshine that greeted me upon departure.

I am connected to the cluster of troubled gentlemen on my street corner.

I am connected to the package I was not expecting.

I am connected to the beautiful friend who surprised me with said package.

I am connected to everyone online with whom I shared a photo of my new gift.

…and so on and so forth. And every single one of those connections is worthy of love.

You get it. And since we’re all connected, I get you, too.

Love > fear,

Christina

Want to know what happens next? Proceed to Chapter 3.

Missed what happened before? Go back to Chapter 1, or start from the beginning.

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Love > fear