Tag Archives: faith

Show up and breathe. That’s it.

Show up. Breathe. You're all right.

Show up. Breathe. It’s all right.

My mean mind has been trying hard to score points on the soccer field of my sanity, so thank goodness for my goalie: my conscience, my breath, my calm.

My mean mind can be a jerk—it wants me to feel bad because I haven’t blogged lately, because I’ve been resistant to writing in general, because I’m neither prolific nor renowned.

“Seriously?” my insecure ego prods me, “you’re a writer who isn’t writing? What a joke. A fraud. Who do you think you are?”

This stuff hurts to hear.

And just before the rest of me sinks into self-doubting despair—right as that cruel soccer ball of shame comes flying toward my net of self-esteem—my spiritual goalie intervenes.

“Not so fast!” it says, lightly leaping into the path of projected negativity. The radiance of my true self is bright enough to deflect, to defend against harmful illusion.

“You know who you are,” my conscience tells me. “You are safe. You are loved. You are infinitely supported.

“You are okay.”

I’m so grateful for my goalie, but I still get tired of the game. It’s not always easy to have faith, to trust that I’m in transition, that my words will return, that all will be well—that it already is.

Nope, not always easy. But still true.

And so my mantra during these wobbly weeks has been simple: Show up and breathe.

Show up = don’t hide. Breathe = be.

Be visible. Allow myself to be seen. Take necessary action, and nothing more.

If I show up with my breath, I’m doing my best. My goalie will take care of the rest.

It’s already okay

you-are-enough butterfly

I had a whole elaborate blog post planned. I was prepared to tell you all about my latest bout with insecurity, and how I was hoping to overcome it quickly. (I was on a deadline.)

So to start, I tracked down an image that contained the message “you are enough,” and I composed the title of “it’s already okay.” And to my pleasant surprise, I felt like I was finished.

I could take more space and time to detail the specifics of today’s low-grade anxiety. Maybe I even will.

But for now, I am resting in the reassurance of two simple phrases, and in the relief and comfort it gives me to share their truth.

Acceptably uncertain

The first-ever Yoga Service Conference starts tomorrow, and I’m not sure why I’m going.

It’s not that I’ve lost interest in the cause–I’m as emphatic as ever that yoga can be both profoundly healing and accessible to everyone, and I remain deeply committed to the practice of seva (yoga-speak for “selfless service”).

It’s just that I’m a little lost.

A year ago it seemed I’d found my path, and while I trust that I’m still on it, it’s led to unexpected places, and I don’t know what comes next. The intensity of purpose I felt when I first discovered the yoga service sector was thrilling and continues to inspire me, but my daily life looks much the same it did a year ago: I still have a full-time job that’s unrelated to yoga; I still talk and write about yoga more than I teach it.

And so, because I’m not entirely transformed, because, despite my 200-hour, Om Schooled, and Street Yoga certifications, I haven’t yet fully found my way, my insecure ego tells me I don’t belong at the conference; that because I’m not “walking the walk” (whatever that means!) of someone who’s professed passion for a career in yoga service, I’m somehow an impostor among the truly devoted (whoever they are!).

But the Yoga Service Council says their conference “is intended for anyone interested in working to create strong, engaged and resilient communities.” That means me.

So my ego can take a hike, because I am walking the walk. I’m just traveling at my own pace–and I’m practicing yoga every breath of the way. Just because I haven’t quit my job doesn’t mean I don’t do seva every day. I do, and I’ll continue to.

And just because I don’t know exactly where I’m going doesn’t mean I won’t get there–and connecting with inspirational, like-minded people will surely help me navigate. As I once concluded in a previous post about pathways: “No doubt about it, there is always somewhere to go, even if figuring out the way involves uncertainty.”

Oh yes, I am uncertain. But uncertainty is more than acceptable, it’s exciting. Uncertainty pairs with possibility, after all—and I am confident there will be plenty of that this weekend. Looking forward to what I will learn!