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Breathing easy

I was supposed to go to yoga on Friday night. It was going to be a cathartic, restorative, grounding experience. I was going to love my body, and push it physically, and laugh good-naturedly. I was going to move to live music, soaking in the vibrant frequency of the energy around me. I was going to emerge renewed, just after midnight, welcoming the weekend with wholesome gratitude.

Instead I got drunk.

Well, not really. I only had one drink, and it wasn’t even good. But I may have well as gotten wasted, because I definitely didn’t go to yoga. I was on the verge of condemning myself for my decision, several hours and not a lot of fun later. But it was then, on the cab ride home, that I remembered that the basic foundation of yoga is the breath. And I can breathe anywhere.

Too often I act as though yoga exists only in the studio, like my practice remains suspended between classes, as if the flow of energy occurs when I am officially in costume and at no other time. But yoga is everywhere, in every conscious breath I take. In fact, breath is the very basis for yoga. So there in the cab, I started inhaling with deliberate rhythm, pulling air slowly in through my nose and calmly, carefully releasing it out again. Inhale for eight, exhale for eight. Repeat. Relax. Repeat. Then, to increase my focus, I began mentally chanting my favorite mantra: I am, I am, I am.

Full of potential, incapable of being labeled, my true essence simply is. I am. That’s all. My less spiritually centered self is all too able to limit, to label, to judge. But by grounding myself with my breath, I found forgiveness and compassion for my lack of self-discipline, for my defiant determination to be social. I found acceptance of the present moment, of the air that goes in and out of me, a quiet and vital exchange of energy with the universe.

The peace only lasted a few moments–I’m an amateur meditator at best. But it was long enough for me to find my own version of a yoga practice on Friday night, one based in the breath, and where I made an honest effort. And for that I am grateful.

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Love > fear