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Teaching for one

Tonight I taught my first class ever!

To myself!

I ended eleven minutes early and I know I forgot superhero pose and I forgot to offer the bind at the end of left side angle series and I don’t recall offering it all during the crescent prayer twists but whatever, I talked for fifty minutes straight and got a pretty decent workout in the process!

It was a good class for me, and very helpful to notice where I felt stuck. I was determined to teach professionally, so even as I realized mistakes I pushed myself to continue, voicing a correction if necessary but maintaining a tone of calm and control. Keeping an even speaking cadence also meant I couldn’t push myself too hard; if I became out of breath, I had to slow down and give “the class” some time to relax.

And sure I missed a few points here and there, but we’re talking first time here! I had every expectation of referring to my notes; I wasn’t initially trying to test myself, only to have a personal practice. My body was craving asana, but I wasn’t up for studio practice; I didn’t leave there last night till eleven and I’m still on the mend and eager to be healthy for this weekend’s training, so I needed something low-key. I struck a compromise: I’d practice gently alone, and rehearse dialogue while I was at it.

Good call! Teaching myself provided the physical release I was seeking and gave me unexpected reassurance of my potential as an instructor. I’ve been studying, so I knew I was starting to get a feel for how each cluster of postures interacts and transitions to the next, but it still surprised me that I remembered nearly the whole sequence.

The sooner I know the sequence, the sooner I can get into a classroom and assist. The thought terrifies me but it excites me too. I’m almost afraid to study any harder, since the more confident I get the closer I get to calling my own bluff: Do I really have what it takes to teach?

I almost wish I’d recorded my dialogue tonight, but I’m not yet sure if audio of my own voice would help me or just make me cringe. And it’s not like I’m aiming for a repeat performance: I already know I’ll never teach exactly the same class twice.

Instead, I’ll just try again soon.

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Love > fear