I saw a play tonight that I really enjoyed. The theater was small, and I gained renewed appreciation for the bravery of an actor: making the choice to expose your soul, if you are any good. To share your heart and voice with a group of strangers and friends.
Communicating takes courage.
Tomorrow night’s training is all about the voice–an NYU acting instructor is going to teach us about inflection, among other things. I am predictably thrilled for this experience, and curious to learn. I’ve taught two classes now, enough to know I am going to be just fine and also enough to discover exactly what needs improvement.
Most importantly, my posture. I’m standing right now as I type this because I need to practice. As in, I actually need to rehearse standing up straight, because if I do not pay due diligence I will inevitably shift my weight to one foot or the other and let a hip sink. It feels fine but it looks lazy, and that’s not how I want to appear in the yoga room.
The thing is, I am a little lazy. I’m not surprised to learn my posture reflects my personality, but I wouldn’t mind changing both for the better. And so I pay attention to my stance; I hold my elbows behind my back at the office and even at parties, relishing the subtle liberation of my shoulders settling down into my back, shifting gently in their sockets.
I stand tall and I speak my truth: Those are two actions that seem simple, but require comprehensive effort and continued awareness. And as if to prove my point, in the course of typing the last sentence, my weight shifted to my left leg, my left hip dipping down and forward as my right leg straightened to the point that my heel lifted and my toes flexed like a dancer’s.* It feels good, twirling the ankle and crinkling the toes at my leisure. It’s funny I never thought to do this before on my own, but now that I ask others to do so in the studio I realize I should follow my own instructions as much as possible. I don’t have to be on a yoga mat in stretchy pants in order to bend my knee and gently twirl my flexed foot at the ankle, wriggling the toes. Anytime I stand up I have an opportunity to explore the curve of the spine, lifting and leaning as necessary to discover a sweet spot, a tender edge, and to linger for a breath before moving on.
I love the language of yoga; I want to increase my vocabulary, my knowledge, my favorite words and phrases. (“Squaring” is my currently my most satisfying action verb. If you’re interested let me know and I’ll tell you why.) And I love channeling the strength and confidence to present what I have to offer, to forge a connection with my audience and to gain their trust. Easy, natural–but stand on two feet! Shoulders back, heart lifted, smiling never hurts, and don’t forget to focus on your words. If you lose your words, you lose your power.
I learned a lot from my second time leading in a classroom, and I really liked it. I got further in the sequence than I’ve ever taught and felt sure I could have made it to the end, though, as with before, I was not sorry to surrender control when the time came. I’m hoping to land a scheduling slot for a 9 p.m. class next week so maybe some friends can attend. On the one hand their presence might make me nervous, but on the other hand I might make it to the end of a full class and I would be so proud for that to happen with my pals present. And anyway, if I want to teach private lessons I need to be comfortable engaging on a personal level in addition to consciously guiding a group.
But in between now and my next spin on the dance floor, I have a few hours of vocal coaching tomorrow night followed by a jam-packed training weekend that begins on Saturday with an early a.m. Bikram class. (I almost feel badly for my fellow trainees who have never been in the hot room, but only almost, because they’ll be okay and I’m also excited for them to get a taste of a practice that changed my life. Personally, I’m going to prepare very carefully and hope to enjoy myself; it’s also a rare opportunity to be taught by the head honcho of the training program.)
At the end of the weekend I’ll find out when I’m teaching next, and I’ll take things from there. Till then it’s one breath at a time as rehearsals continue!
[*FWIW: My weight unconsciously shifted three more times from foot to foot during the composition of this post. Three more times I noticed and reminded myself to stand on both feet. I have my work cut out for me.]
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